Instimacy (instant intimacy) can be energizing, exciting, and fun but how can you be sure your fledgling relationship won’t crash and burn?Here are four ways you can feel the magic of something new while keeping your feet firmly planted on the ground. Actions Speak Louder Than Words In relationships there are two things—what a person tells you and what a person shows you.Dating successfully is about finding out who you are and who the other person is. And do the same thing with the others on your list… What are your priorities over the next 6–12 months? Are you working towards them or do they get lost in the dust and noise of every day life? List the five or six things in your dating relationships that are not negotiable. And finally, what are five things that make you feel you want to keep going with this person?Dating is a rehearsal for the real job of sharing your life with someone.If you’re just getting to know someone on the phone and through email you’re banking on words more than actions.The danger is that you can feel really close to someone who simply can’t live up to their description of themselves.Different flavors, different vintages, all good, but not everyone to your taste. (list the 5 or 6 key values you hold in life) Do you actually live your values?If you’re one of the people who wonders why your dates turn out to be losers, you may want to consider the five foundation steps to thriving relationships. A grown-up who knows that game-playing or mind reading doesn’t bode well for healthy relationships. If kindness is one of your values, are you kind to yourself? What are you prepared to give to keep your dating relationships healthy and balanced?
Over the more than 20 years of working with clients in the clinic I have developed an understanding of where the relationship process can break down. Step 5 — What are you prepared to give to your relationships? It’s an experiment, and like all experiments we can celebrate successes and we can learn from failures. What did we learn from the last three dates that we can learn from? Dating can be a bit like learning to run a marathon.
For today, let’s talk about these 5 steps in a dating relationship. First you walk, then you jog, then you run 5k, then 10k and then maybe the marathon.
Or if you prefer, we can think of it like wine tasting.
You’re simply showing a new individual your standards. The words she used were, “I move closer, he moves closer.
He tells me how much he likes me, I tell him how much I like him.” In other words, there isn’t game playing.